I normally do a snarky blog entry for the Eurovision Song Contest, but due to other distractions (Pingu), I decided not to do it this year. It's just as well as this is the worst Eurovision I have ever seen. Usually, Eurovision is "so bad it's good." This year it's all just plain awful...
It's a shame that Dana International didn't make it to the final. I would have SMS voted for Dana International... *sigh*
Showing posts with label Eurovision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eurovision. Show all posts
14.5.11
29.5.10
Eurovision 2010 - my comments
This post will be updated from time to time, as the show goes on and as I get more inebriated...
The previous post has links to the songs. This is just the commentary. I don't have any proper predictions as to who will win this year; a lot of it will depend on how the artists do tonight. Nothing really stands out. I do like Ireland, Israel, Greece, and Portugal, and I think France has a “fun” song. Denmark's song is also “fun.” But other than that... I dunno. Most of the songs really annoy me...
I don't want Norway to win again. Didrik has a great voice and all, but it's bloody expensive to host Eurovision. I will admit it has been fun seeing the Eurovision tourists out and about town. It's a shame I've been too busy with other shit to enjoy the Eurovision activities going on...
Anyway, the commentary:
1. Azerbaijan: I wish someone would drip drop something on her head... Anyway, she was very nervous, at least at the start. She was a bit stronger at the end, but... well... She'll get a lot of votes because she's young (17), pretty, and has a very commercial song...
2. Spain: Very stereotypical Spanish, sung in Spanish. But a bit too whiney for my liking, and I can't stand the clowns as background dancers...
NB! Spain will get a chance to perform again, as a fan jumped on stage as they were starting their performance! Not that it helped. You know when you go to Spain, and there are drunk guys on street corners and park benches singing? Yeah, that's what they sing...
3. Norway: Great voice, boring song. They were showing various interviews and comments from various people before Eurovision started, and someone referred to this song as a "Disney song." Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Anyway, shaky start, and I think he could have done better, but otherwise somewhat improved English enunciation compared to when he won the contest for Norway...
4. Moldova: WTF is this supposed to be? I do like the singer chick's hair, makeup, and outfit though... had I been a drag queen!
5. Cyprus: *yawn* Too boyband pop-like...
6. Bosnia and Herzegovina: Disappointing. B&H has sent really good artists in past Eurovisions, including last year's. This is quite awful in comparison...
7. Belgium: Another nervous one, with an overly commercial song and even more overly whiney nasal annoying voice. He really should learn how to speak English before attempting to sing it too...
8. Serbia: A bit of that Hatten är din going, but this is otherwise a proper Eurovision song, with the right kind of beat (Balkan Balkan come on) and the right kind of performance. And Milan is... well... a little... um... Serbia did win with a lesbian artist before (in 2007), so why not try with a gay one? (Yeah, I'm just assuming.) :-P
9. Belarus: The only reason why this song is in the final, is because they got enough popular votes from Russia and other political neighbors for the semifinal. Null points...
10. Ireland: Very Irish. Pretty song. Very good performance, but will it be good enough? Bonus points for lack of starved body, overly bleached hair, and need to have boobs and ass hanging out...
11. Greece: Very energetic and masculine. It really brings out the man in me! Excellent performance too; you can tell he's a well seasoned artist. Very confident. This song will be the big summer hit in all the gay nightclubs in Europe and worldwide. Bonus points for the song being sung in Greek! The most "genuinely ethnic" so far...
12. United Kingdom: This does not sound good to me. Now I understand why the UK has to “buy” their guaranteed place in the final. They always suck...
13. Georgia: A bit off key at the start, which is too bad because she has a decent voice...
14. Turkey: OK, so they thought they could get away from their usual belly dancing music to something rock-like, but it's not anything outstanding. Boring text too. Lucky for Turkey that they can get lots of popular votes from immigrants in Germany, etc. Bonus points for the robot though...
15. Albania: Madonna wannabe? Or something... Horrible voice, horrible look, and nothing special about her song...
16. Iceland: Good, powerful voice, and a very energetic dance song. It's a bit weird watching this particular song be performed by an artist dressed in a long sleeved long dress suitable for performing sappy ballads though. It doesn't seem to fit...
17. Ukraine: Is she trying to sing like Björk? I don't get it...
18. France: This is more of a football song (whoa, it actually is a fan song for team France for the World Cup!) than a Eurovision song, but it has a nice beat. It will be one of *the* big summer hits this year... Anyway, what a hot performance! I'm going to have to take a cold shower after watching this...
19. Romania: And this was my cold shower...
20. Russia: And the shower just got colder... arrrrgh! And I can't even drink vodka to drown out the pain, which is probably what everyone else is doing...
21. Armenia: Ape-ree-cut stone? This song would have been good if it had been sung in Armenian, or whatever it is they speak there. The substandard English text ruins it all. It's also very Hatten är din...
22. Germany: Boring performance; she's a favorite so I was expecting much better. Yawn. The "woo" and giggle at the end was especially pathetic. The song is otherwise very German pop. It will be a Euro-hit, but it's otherwise nothing particularly special. Like most of the songs here, it will be completely forgotten within a few months, when the "next best thing" comes along...
23. Portugal: Hey Portugal! Disney called. They want their song back!
24. Israel: Nice ballad and performed quite well, but how does he fare in Krav Maga? ;-) Bonus points for singing in Hebrew...
25. Denmark: What a fun song... very Abba-esque... I love what the wind machine does to the male singer's hair haha... OMFSM his hair *snort'
The previous post has links to the songs. This is just the commentary. I don't have any proper predictions as to who will win this year; a lot of it will depend on how the artists do tonight. Nothing really stands out. I do like Ireland, Israel, Greece, and Portugal, and I think France has a “fun” song. Denmark's song is also “fun.” But other than that... I dunno. Most of the songs really annoy me...
I don't want Norway to win again. Didrik has a great voice and all, but it's bloody expensive to host Eurovision. I will admit it has been fun seeing the Eurovision tourists out and about town. It's a shame I've been too busy with other shit to enjoy the Eurovision activities going on...
Anyway, the commentary:
1. Azerbaijan: I wish someone would drip drop something on her head... Anyway, she was very nervous, at least at the start. She was a bit stronger at the end, but... well... She'll get a lot of votes because she's young (17), pretty, and has a very commercial song...
2. Spain: Very stereotypical Spanish, sung in Spanish. But a bit too whiney for my liking, and I can't stand the clowns as background dancers...
NB! Spain will get a chance to perform again, as a fan jumped on stage as they were starting their performance! Not that it helped. You know when you go to Spain, and there are drunk guys on street corners and park benches singing? Yeah, that's what they sing...
3. Norway: Great voice, boring song. They were showing various interviews and comments from various people before Eurovision started, and someone referred to this song as a "Disney song." Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Anyway, shaky start, and I think he could have done better, but otherwise somewhat improved English enunciation compared to when he won the contest for Norway...
4. Moldova: WTF is this supposed to be? I do like the singer chick's hair, makeup, and outfit though... had I been a drag queen!
5. Cyprus: *yawn* Too boyband pop-like...
6. Bosnia and Herzegovina: Disappointing. B&H has sent really good artists in past Eurovisions, including last year's. This is quite awful in comparison...
7. Belgium: Another nervous one, with an overly commercial song and even more overly whiney nasal annoying voice. He really should learn how to speak English before attempting to sing it too...
8. Serbia: A bit of that Hatten är din going, but this is otherwise a proper Eurovision song, with the right kind of beat (Balkan Balkan come on) and the right kind of performance. And Milan is... well... a little... um... Serbia did win with a lesbian artist before (in 2007), so why not try with a gay one? (Yeah, I'm just assuming.) :-P
9. Belarus: The only reason why this song is in the final, is because they got enough popular votes from Russia and other political neighbors for the semifinal. Null points...
10. Ireland: Very Irish. Pretty song. Very good performance, but will it be good enough? Bonus points for lack of starved body, overly bleached hair, and need to have boobs and ass hanging out...
11. Greece: Very energetic and masculine. It really brings out the man in me! Excellent performance too; you can tell he's a well seasoned artist. Very confident. This song will be the big summer hit in all the gay nightclubs in Europe and worldwide. Bonus points for the song being sung in Greek! The most "genuinely ethnic" so far...
12. United Kingdom: This does not sound good to me. Now I understand why the UK has to “buy” their guaranteed place in the final. They always suck...
13. Georgia: A bit off key at the start, which is too bad because she has a decent voice...
14. Turkey: OK, so they thought they could get away from their usual belly dancing music to something rock-like, but it's not anything outstanding. Boring text too. Lucky for Turkey that they can get lots of popular votes from immigrants in Germany, etc. Bonus points for the robot though...
15. Albania: Madonna wannabe? Or something... Horrible voice, horrible look, and nothing special about her song...
16. Iceland: Good, powerful voice, and a very energetic dance song. It's a bit weird watching this particular song be performed by an artist dressed in a long sleeved long dress suitable for performing sappy ballads though. It doesn't seem to fit...
17. Ukraine: Is she trying to sing like Björk? I don't get it...
18. France: This is more of a football song (whoa, it actually is a fan song for team France for the World Cup!) than a Eurovision song, but it has a nice beat. It will be one of *the* big summer hits this year... Anyway, what a hot performance! I'm going to have to take a cold shower after watching this...
19. Romania: And this was my cold shower...
20. Russia: And the shower just got colder... arrrrgh! And I can't even drink vodka to drown out the pain, which is probably what everyone else is doing...
21. Armenia: Ape-ree-cut stone? This song would have been good if it had been sung in Armenian, or whatever it is they speak there. The substandard English text ruins it all. It's also very Hatten är din...
22. Germany: Boring performance; she's a favorite so I was expecting much better. Yawn. The "woo" and giggle at the end was especially pathetic. The song is otherwise very German pop. It will be a Euro-hit, but it's otherwise nothing particularly special. Like most of the songs here, it will be completely forgotten within a few months, when the "next best thing" comes along...
23. Portugal: Hey Portugal! Disney called. They want their song back!
24. Israel: Nice ballad and performed quite well, but how does he fare in Krav Maga? ;-) Bonus points for singing in Hebrew...
25. Denmark: What a fun song... very Abba-esque... I love what the wind machine does to the male singer's hair haha... OMFSM his hair *snort'
Eurovision 2010 - the finalists
Here are this year's finalists, with a link to their song. Commentary to come later on...
01 AZERBAIJAN
02 SPAIN
03 NORWAY
04 MOLDOVA
05 CYPRUS
06 BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA
07 BELGIUM
08 SERBIA
09 BELARUS
10 IRELAND
11 GREECE
12 UNITED KINGDOM
13 GEORGIA
14 TURKEY
15 ALBANIA
16 ICELAND
17 UKRAINE
18 FRANCE
19 ROMANIA
20 RUSSIA
21 ARMENIA
22 GERMANY
23 PORTUGAL
24 ISRAEL
25 DENMARK
01 AZERBAIJAN
02 SPAIN
03 NORWAY
04 MOLDOVA
05 CYPRUS
06 BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA
07 BELGIUM
08 SERBIA
09 BELARUS
10 IRELAND
11 GREECE
12 UNITED KINGDOM
13 GEORGIA
14 TURKEY
15 ALBANIA
16 ICELAND
17 UKRAINE
18 FRANCE
19 ROMANIA
20 RUSSIA
21 ARMENIA
22 GERMANY
23 PORTUGAL
24 ISRAEL
25 DENMARK
12.5.07
Eurovision so far...
My favorites are Hungary and Serbia...
The commentary:
1 Bosnia & Herzegovina Maria ŠESTIĆ Rijeka Bez Imena
Her dress looks like the top of some hut in Polynesia. Her voice is OK, but the song is slow and boring, and lacking any kind of real tune…
2 Spain D'NASH I Love You Mi Vida
Hah! A boy band! Disco fever baby!
3 Belarus Koldun Work Your Magic
Uh, WTF? Who do you think you are? James Bond? Well, guess what. You’re not! Oh, and you need to learn how to match your makeup to your skin color. Or lay off that spray-tan shit. And button up your shirt please…
4 Ireland DERVISH They Can't Stop The Spring
OK. This is the first Irish singer I’ve heard who doesn’t have a fantastic voice. Very off-key. Too bad, because the song is otherwise good…
5 Finland Hanna PAKARINEN Leave Me Alone
Yes. Please leave me alone… (actually, this isn't too bad)
6 FYR Macedonia Karolina Mojot Svet
Her short skirt doesn’t really make up for the song being dull though. Apparently she has lots of friends in the former Yugoslav republic, so she’ll get a few votes. Even though she doesn’t deserve them.
7 Slovenia Alenka GOTAR Cvet Z Juga
Opera meets rock. Didn’t Nightwish try this already? This will probably do well in the points, the ex-Yugoslav bloc and all. She does have a nice voice, but I think she could do better with it…
8 Hungary Magdi RÚZSA Unsubstantial Blues
Wow… great voice!!! Lots of power. I also like that she looks… um… normal. My favorite so far…
9 Lithuania 4FUN Love Or Leave
The singer is also normal-looking (i.e. not a skanky bimbette)… very nice ballad…
10 Greece Sarbel Yassou Maria
Ææææææ!!! The first “Hatten är din” of the evening. And this is also an example of why I want the return of the rule where the artists have to sing in their native language. Grenglish ick. The only thing this guy is missing is the unbuttoned shirt…
11 Georgia Sopho Visionary Dream
Very 80s… plus a touch of Björk-wannabe… the background dancers make it all the more amusing…
12 Sweden THE ARK The Worrying Kind
What. The. Fuck. Is. That. ?. She-male 70s glam… Think The Sweet… (OK, you can put your shirt back on. Please!)
13 France LES FATALS PICARDS L'amour À La Française
Oh my FSM. It just gets “better and better.” Lots of black and hot pink. On men. French men, but still. It’s nice to see that thte French have a sense of humor… and the song is actually quite good…
14 Latvia BONAPARTI.LV Questa Notte
Oooh, more opera. Charming… tuxedo jackets and shirts, top hats, with jeans. The song is quite nice, energetic for being a ballad…
15 Russia SEREBRO Song #1
Here come the skanky bimbettes… can’t say much more…
16 Germany Roger CICERO Frauen Regier'n Die Welt
OK, he’s dressed like 30s/40s Chicago, same musical style, but in German? (OK, he switched to English) But OK, he can sing…
17 Serbia Marija ŠERIFOVIĆ Molitva
She’s probably a lesbian (she has that anything-but-skanky-bimbette look), but she has a good, powerful voice and the song is very good… this is another one of my favorites…
18 Ukraine Verka SERDUCHKA Dancing Lasha Tumbai
What’s Eurovision without a drag queen? ;-) The costumes are… um… silvery special. Sieben sieben ein zwei drei… charming… very old Soviet bloc meets psycho German nihilist Kraftwerk techno… I have my pocket calculator… this definitely wins the cheezefest, but I don’t really get why it’s one of the favorites…
19 United Kingdom SCOOCH Flying The Flag (For You)
Why is this song even here? (btw – this is the Eurovision example of what British Airways has been reduced to) *ugh*
20 Romania TODOMONDO Liubi, Liubi, I Love You
Very Vaudville… *shudder*
21 Bulgaria Elitsa TODOROVA & Stoyan YANKOULOV Water
Oh for the love of the FSM, is this another Björk wannabe or something?
22 Turkey Kenan DOĞULU Shake It Up, Shekerim
Hatten är din, hatten är din, hatt baby hatt baby…
23 Armenia Hayko Anytime You Need
Anytime I need to kick someone in the nuts… at least he had the decency to keep his shirt buttoned up…
24 Moldova Natalia BARBU Fight
Hike up your trousers, please. Nobody wants to see your skanky crack... you have to shave to wear trousers like that...
The commentary:
1 Bosnia & Herzegovina Maria ŠESTIĆ Rijeka Bez Imena
Her dress looks like the top of some hut in Polynesia. Her voice is OK, but the song is slow and boring, and lacking any kind of real tune…
2 Spain D'NASH I Love You Mi Vida
Hah! A boy band! Disco fever baby!
3 Belarus Koldun Work Your Magic
Uh, WTF? Who do you think you are? James Bond? Well, guess what. You’re not! Oh, and you need to learn how to match your makeup to your skin color. Or lay off that spray-tan shit. And button up your shirt please…
4 Ireland DERVISH They Can't Stop The Spring
OK. This is the first Irish singer I’ve heard who doesn’t have a fantastic voice. Very off-key. Too bad, because the song is otherwise good…
5 Finland Hanna PAKARINEN Leave Me Alone
Yes. Please leave me alone… (actually, this isn't too bad)
6 FYR Macedonia Karolina Mojot Svet
Her short skirt doesn’t really make up for the song being dull though. Apparently she has lots of friends in the former Yugoslav republic, so she’ll get a few votes. Even though she doesn’t deserve them.
7 Slovenia Alenka GOTAR Cvet Z Juga
Opera meets rock. Didn’t Nightwish try this already? This will probably do well in the points, the ex-Yugoslav bloc and all. She does have a nice voice, but I think she could do better with it…
8 Hungary Magdi RÚZSA Unsubstantial Blues
Wow… great voice!!! Lots of power. I also like that she looks… um… normal. My favorite so far…
9 Lithuania 4FUN Love Or Leave
The singer is also normal-looking (i.e. not a skanky bimbette)… very nice ballad…
10 Greece Sarbel Yassou Maria
Ææææææ!!! The first “Hatten är din” of the evening. And this is also an example of why I want the return of the rule where the artists have to sing in their native language. Grenglish ick. The only thing this guy is missing is the unbuttoned shirt…
11 Georgia Sopho Visionary Dream
Very 80s… plus a touch of Björk-wannabe… the background dancers make it all the more amusing…
12 Sweden THE ARK The Worrying Kind
What. The. Fuck. Is. That. ?. She-male 70s glam… Think The Sweet… (OK, you can put your shirt back on. Please!)
13 France LES FATALS PICARDS L'amour À La Française
Oh my FSM. It just gets “better and better.” Lots of black and hot pink. On men. French men, but still. It’s nice to see that thte French have a sense of humor… and the song is actually quite good…
14 Latvia BONAPARTI.LV Questa Notte
Oooh, more opera. Charming… tuxedo jackets and shirts, top hats, with jeans. The song is quite nice, energetic for being a ballad…
15 Russia SEREBRO Song #1
Here come the skanky bimbettes… can’t say much more…
16 Germany Roger CICERO Frauen Regier'n Die Welt
OK, he’s dressed like 30s/40s Chicago, same musical style, but in German? (OK, he switched to English) But OK, he can sing…
17 Serbia Marija ŠERIFOVIĆ Molitva
She’s probably a lesbian (she has that anything-but-skanky-bimbette look), but she has a good, powerful voice and the song is very good… this is another one of my favorites…
18 Ukraine Verka SERDUCHKA Dancing Lasha Tumbai
What’s Eurovision without a drag queen? ;-) The costumes are… um… silvery special. Sieben sieben ein zwei drei… charming… very old Soviet bloc meets psycho German nihilist Kraftwerk techno… I have my pocket calculator… this definitely wins the cheezefest, but I don’t really get why it’s one of the favorites…
19 United Kingdom SCOOCH Flying The Flag (For You)
Why is this song even here? (btw – this is the Eurovision example of what British Airways has been reduced to) *ugh*
20 Romania TODOMONDO Liubi, Liubi, I Love You
Very Vaudville… *shudder*
21 Bulgaria Elitsa TODOROVA & Stoyan YANKOULOV Water
Oh for the love of the FSM, is this another Björk wannabe or something?
22 Turkey Kenan DOĞULU Shake It Up, Shekerim
Hatten är din, hatten är din, hatt baby hatt baby…
23 Armenia Hayko Anytime You Need
Anytime I need to kick someone in the nuts… at least he had the decency to keep his shirt buttoned up…
24 Moldova Natalia BARBU Fight
Hike up your trousers, please. Nobody wants to see your skanky crack... you have to shave to wear trousers like that...
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